YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there's paper in my vomit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The adults are the big ones right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
