I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
