If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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