i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
