Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
