i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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