I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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