we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
