paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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