This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
