My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
