i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
