Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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