my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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