; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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