I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
