your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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