My hand turned me down
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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