bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
