id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
