I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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