Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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