At least make sure they are 18
Why
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
