Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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