Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
