I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
