Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
