It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
