Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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