for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's shark week go big or go home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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