Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
