I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
