It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
