I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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