im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
