I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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