i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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