i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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