hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
