yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
