Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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