the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
