I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
