She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
