dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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