i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
