god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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