he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
