Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
