so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
