I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
